gift guides Are Great but you should answer these questions before you buy
The holidays are here and so are gift guides…
As soon as the last trick-or-treater trotted home, the pumpkin candles were blown out and the clock struck midnight on Halloween eve, one could hear the distant sound of jingle bells and a faint, high trill that could only be coming from the one and only queen of Christmas, Mariah herself.
Alas, it was November 1st and seemingly all decorations changed from black and orange to red and green overnight.
I am not a holiday-hater. I actually really enjoy this time of year and look forward to all the decorations, food, and festivities that come along with it (but I will spare you my rant about Thanksgiving being the middle child of Q4, even though it is my favorite holiday!).
I don’t know about you, but my inbox and social feeds have already been inundated with Black Friday deals, new holiday products, and exclusive, limited-time offers from every retailer, influencer and brand. I have not even had one slice of pumpkin pie yet this season and already I have to think about candy canes and egg nog. Sigh.
But one thing that I am completely torn between loving and being exhausted by are gift guides.
I LOVE a good guide (especially if it’s a bulleted list). Guides help keep things organized and focused. They narrow down options. They keep things succinct and neat. So I should love skimming through gift guides, right?
Perhaps.
But, what good is a gift guide if I haven’t thought about what the gift receiver really wants or needs?
The qualifications of a perfect gift
I am sure you’ve been scrolling online or strolling through a store and have seen an item that reminds you of someone. It may have even been something off of a gift guide or was one of those black friday sale deals. Impulsively, you made the purchase and gifted it to the person at an upcoming occasion or holiday.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with this, because at the very core of any gift, is the reason why you got it for them. As cliche as it is, it truly is the thought that counts.
I’m sure your gift receiver was appreciative and gracious. They were so humbled that you had thought of them and had spent your hard earned dollars on a gift for them.
But what happens when that gift ends up collecting dust on a shelf? Or in the donation bin? Or worse, regifted at their next white elephant party???
Gift Giving – Needs vs. Wants vs. Waste
What if before you had made that purchase, you had paused to ask yourself a few questions. What if there were other things you should have considered before selecting ‘add to cart’?
This is midpractical modern, so let me talk through my thought process on giving gifts. I believe that the best gifts should consider needs, wants and waste.
Needs
Any gift that is given should be something that fulfills a need…and I’m not talking about just the basics here. If we look at Maslow’s hierarchy, our baseline needs as humans are things like food, shelter, air, water. As you travel up the pyramid, the needs expand and become more complex and nuanced, such as safety, friendship, or recognition, and can only be fulfilled if the previous layer has been met. When talking needs in terms of a gift, it can range to giving a gift of a cheese tray (food) all the way to a journal (self-actualization) that could help fulfill the needs of your gift receiver.
Wants
Now, let’s talk about wants. We all want a lot of things. We want to be millionaires and not have to worry about money. We want to be healthy forever and stop aging and not see our loved ones pass away. We want a world without poverty or homelessness. We want to eat whatever we want and maintain a perfect body.
Okay, I know those are extreme wants. But even in a more realistic setting “I want a new dress for the event”, “I want to go to a fancy dinner” or “I want a new TV” – these are things that are not necessary for our survival (though I’m sure people would argue with me on the need for a TV!). They are not even necessities to our happiness and well-being…but they sure would help, even if it’s fleeting. Gifts that meet a want are often exciting because they are above and beyond our needs and something that we either can’t afford to buy or choose to spend our money on other (potentially more practical) alternatives.
Waste
Lastly, there is waste. Sometimes there are gifts that fulfill neither a need or a want. These are things that are obviously not intended as waste, but perhaps the proper thought and consideration were not given before gifting it. The person may have already had whatever it was and you did not think to ask before buying it. Or it could be that something was hastily chosen because you ran out of time and had to buy something so the recipient had something to open for the special occasion. Whatever the reason, anything that will go unused or unloved should be avoided.
The ultimate equation for giving the best gift
My equation for gift giving is simple. And you can easily narrow down your options by answering a few questions before you splurge on a gift.
An ideal gift = 50% Want + 50% Need – 100% Waste
It really truly is that simple. I’ll give an example in a little bit, but first want to go through some of the questions to ask yourself when considering a gift.
7 questions to ask yourself before buying a gift (plus a bonus question!)
It may be easier to impulsively buy something that makes us think of a friend, family, coworker, neighbor or other loved one than to stop and ask a few questions. But I promise you, if you do a mental scroll of these questions before you buy your next gift, you will end up with a more genuine, thoughtful gift that is likely to get a reciprocal response of genuine gratitude.
The Gift-Giving Questions Checklist
- Why am I getting this gift? Is it a birthday? Holiday? Other special occasion? Are they feeling down in the dumps and need a pick-me-up? Or did you just want to show your appreciation for this person? The answer to this question may help you narrow down or rule out things that would be appropriate.
- What type of budget do I have to put towards this gift? While it would be nice if we all had endless amounts of cash so that this question didn’t matter; alas, this is not the case and we must consider what we can afford. Equally important is considering how the recipient would feel about the cost of a gift, more specifically if you are spending a lot. Some may be uncomfortable with receiving lavish or pricey gifts, and depending on the circumstances, may even be thinking in the back of their minds that they will have to match that price the next time they have to give you a gift. This will vary for every person and situation, but just something to be mindful of as you consider gifts.
- Does this person need anything? Again, needs here are beyond basic necessities. Think about things that they may be missing or need new of. Have they been using a makeshift bar cart to offer drinks because they don’t have a real one? Do they read in bed with a flashlight at night because they don’t have a lamp? To upgrade their cooking experience or give them a safer prep station, do they need new knives or different tools to use in the kitchen?
- Does this person want anything? Do they have a wishlist created in any app (like Amazon)? Have they ever mentioned ‘If I had the money or time or energy, I would do or buy XYZ’? Do they have a travel or experience bucket list? If you can’t give them the exact thing that they want, is there a ‘stepping stone’ gift that you could get them, that would help them get closer to their end goal?
- Has this person mentioned anything that eludes to an unknown or unsaid need or want? In any recent conversations, text messages, social feed, emails, meetings, etc. have they mentioned a certain problem, obstacle, interest, or opportunity that could be aided or answered with a specific gift?
- What does this person NOT need or want (aka what is going to be a waste)? What is something that will just take up space and is likely to be left unused if this person receives it? Does this person already have this? Is there a reason they don’t already have one? What do I hope this person will do with this gift and do I think they will actually use/utilize it?
- Is there anyone close to this person that I could ask for input or ideas? If you are struggling for answers to the above questions, is there someone close to that person (family, friends, coworkers, neighbors, etc) that you could reach out to for inspiration?
- Bonus – what’s their love language? if you know the person’s love language, this could also help you determine what type of gift would be well received by them. Someone that enjoys words of affirmation may appreciate a heartfelt letter, while someone who leans more towards quality time might prefer a night out to dinner with you.
The gift giving equation in action – A pandemic gift of gratitude
During the pandemic, a friend of mine had gone above and beyond for my family when she gave us her covid test kits. This was during the first year of the pandemic, when tests were hard to come by. It was during the holiday when there had been a surge of cases in the area. Every single pharmacy was out of tests. We had plans to spend the week with my husband’s side of the family, including my mother-in-law who was immunocompromised. We were not in need of the tests just for ourselves, but for the safety of our family.
My friend was willing to part with her only covid test, not knowing when she would be able to replenish. We were extremely grateful and wanted to thank her for this amazingly kind and selfless gesture with a gift.
My friend is one of those people that is truly honored and humbled when someone gives her a gift. It is truly the thought that counts with her, no matter if you gave her a bicycle or a hug.
I wanted to get her the perfect gift, so I used my equation to narrow down options.
- Why am I buying this gift? To thank her for her selfless act of kindness
- What is my budget? She provided us with something that would help keep our family safe, which is priceless. So I was more focused on the answers to the other questions before considering budget.
- Does this person need anything? At the time, other than a vaccine for the pandemic or replenishing her with a covid test kit (which obviously were not available), I wasn’t coming up with anything…yet.
- Does this person want anything? I could think of lots of topics, interests and areas that my friend loves, but I was not coming up with any specific that was thoughtful enough.
- Is there an unknown or unsaid want or need? My friend and I are both in a book club together. She had been buying each physical book to read, which can add up both financially and physically. And you can end up with books that are complete duds! A tablet or kindle would be much more cost and space efficient long-term, especially with access to a library card.
- What does this person NOT want or need? Given that we were in the midst of the pandemic, I didn’t want to get her a gift that would require to be out and about, so experience/event gifts were off the table.
- Is there anyone close to this person I could ask for input? I had an idea of what I wanted to get her, but wanted to check with her husband before buying. He confirmed she did not have it and he had no plans to buy one. He did mention that she was getting a Peloton for Christmas and it crossed my mind to get her an exercise-related gift, but the timing wouldn’t work out as I wanted to get her the gift before Christmas and I didn’t want to spoil the surprise of the bike.
- Bonus! What is their love language? I should know this one, but I couldn’t think of it at the time! But at this point, I already had an idea of what my gift was going to be so it wasn’t necessary for my decision.
So what was the gift I ended up giving to my friend? A new Amazon kindle! She could use this for book club to avoid buying any physical books she wasn’t looking forward to owning. Additionally, she could use the local library to download books for free rather than buying the digital copies.
